No, I really don't want to go.
And I haven't wanted to go for some time now.
I know its not right, and I do in fact force myself to go most weeks...but what bothers me the most is that I'm completely unmotivated to be there.
Part of my problem is my hyperinvolvement for the last 4 years. I was involved in it all........sometimes to the detriment of my family...so when I started getting burned out and cutting back.....it felt good, really good.
So I just kept cutting until I'm now involved in nothing. I'm going on a Mission trip in 2 weeks and that's it......after that I have no commitments. And I don't want any.
Recently I started allowing my teenagers to go to our old church across the street as they have a good Youth program and I really like the leaders over there. We tried......I mean really tried.........to work within our church's youth program, but there were several problems. No kids their age, no connections with the few kids that do attend, small number of youth, the leader is not someone my kids can relate to and not someone I want them necessarily to relate to. So they stopped going by their own request and have done nothing for a year in regards to youth group (I teach the Youth Sunday School) so at least I know they were getting something. But it wasn't enough and I want them to be connected and have a good experience.
I was watching a show on TV that said that 75% of children leave the church when they leave home. This frightens me. I did it........but I don't want my kids to. I want them to avoid so many pitfalls that lie ahead in a life without God. I can already see my oldest becoming disenfranchised with the church as he points out the hypocriscy within our church and its members and even its pastor.
How do I answer this?
So they went to camp with this other church and we have given our blessing to attend their on Sundays. My problem now is that I want to join them. It is a big church you can get lost in and not feel constantly pressured to "perform" which is how I feel now.
In our church you either perform or you get ignored...........those are the options. Of course there are those that don't perform but aren't ignored because there was never any expectation of them performing to begin with. But me.......I've been a performer, and now that I'm not.......I'm a ghost. My problem there is that I just don't care anymore. I, like my son, am tired of the hypocrisy and am there as a good example to my children and that's about it.
I'm planning on getting the book I posted above to see how others have dealt with this. I'm not a church hopper......I've been to 4 churches in my whole life and 3 of them we left because we moved out of the area. This one is the only one we came to from within town....mostly because we wanted the small church experience. There has been a lot of good that we've enjoyed over the years........but for now.......we are uninspired in the preaching, the music sucks big time, there is no one our age and with our age children.......so we sit and we wait.............but for what I'm not sure.
5 comments:
I wonder about this question myself. I'm one of those stats -- quit going to church regularly when I left home. We don't belong to one now, though I wonder if we should because we have kids now. I was raised in the Methodist church, but the one in our area is far more of a political action committee than church (and *not* our policital affiliation, even). There's a Catholic church nearby, but if the kids aren't, should be start doing that? The questions go round and round and nothing gets done. *sigh* I could hear my mom in a lot of your post (i mean that nicely!!!). The UK's go to church when they visit her. Maybe that's enough for now? Again, more questions!!!
Anywhooooo, your post hit a note with me is what I'm *trying* to say.
Well thanks for sharing that.......sometimes when you throw out something out of the "norm" you wonder if anyone else out there feels the same....or you get that "how dare you" attitude that seems to occur more often than not.
For everything there is a season and so I think there are seasons for involvement and seasons for rest.......perhaps it is time for me to rest for awhile
http://www.anticipatingtheking.com/ This is a site that's a good friend of ours. Has some very insightful ideas on "Church", Biblical Joy (or the lack there of), especially in the comments made by others. Read the "How Does Jesus View the Church" for an excellent dialogue about views on churches.
I perused out the book you mentioned, mostly read it online–interesting reading, however, I'm very careful not to delve into books which support how I feel at the time. I have come to realize that scripture, when truly studied, has what ever answers I need, but (may not want to follow).
I no longer fear being in a desert, (a time of restoration, a respite from churches w/walls and their activities) like the Israelites, God is trying to get my attention, to draw me back to Him, to be in obedience to Him. I believe when we are "burned out" the motives of "doing God's work" have become our own, not His. He gives us the strength to continue when He's in charge and directing. I like your honesty in your blog.
I'm right there with ya. I left the church when I left home and didn't go back to a church until 6 years ago. Then i got my husband to attend with me. Then I got very active and loved it until the hypocrosy and attitudes kicked in. I had major issues and felt as if my kids and I had both been used and dumped on by one person and nothing was done by others. We still go to that church when we are in town. However my kids don't join any activities or youth groups because frankly I don't trust the leaders. Sad to say. My husband likes the pastor and our Sunday School class so I go too. If it were my decision I'd leave the church we are at. I'd love to do a home church type thing but know no other families to do that with. I guess you could say I am being submissive to my husband by continuing to go. I am a trustee a just today got asked to be a part of another small committee. There are so many people that i just love there. But all in all I feel as if something is missing.
Irene, good to hear from you and thanks for reading my blog ;)
You are so right about looking for books/people/internet sites to reinforce how you are feeling at the time. I think we can always find someone to take our side without being objective.
I am always concerned with the idea of making a decision/change based on how I feel at the time.....but when you feel the same way for months on end and prayer and seeking doesn't seem to relieve your concerns, I wonder at what point you move forward.
I have really appreciated what everyone has shared here about their own experiences. The consensus is most likely that nothing is perfect, we aren't perfect and in the end we must trust in Him to guide us where we need to be. Easier said than done me thinks.....
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