I like to torture small animals

It actually started when I was a child. My Papa introduced me to the art of torturing cats. I, of course, knew someday I would be expected to carry on the tradition and then pass down these mad skills down to my children (which I have done succesfully).

It all started with Clyde. He was a mean ole' cuss.........would scratch your eyes out if ya let 'em. He wasn't all there either...........you know.............a little...........s...........l............o...............w............

in the mental facilities area, if you get my drift.

So, when he wasn't in a mood, he'd sit up on the recliner. Now when I say sit, I don't mean cat sit...........I mean human sit. His choice.......really. He would prop himself up on his bum, drape one paw over the arm of the chair and lay his head back against the pillow. When you think about it, it really was his own fault that the torture began. I mean what kind of cat just sits like a human..........it was like he WANTED to look like a human.........so we just helped him along.

First it was glasses...........all the better to see you with

Then the newspaper...........he needed something to read you see

Clothes were optional, but added so much to the look. He was very versatile too. He looked great in a necktie as well as ladies undergarments.......not sure what that would say about his sexuality nowadays but he was fixed so we didn't worry too much.

When he got really comfy, we'd add the cigarette between the paw. Lit of course, because the smoke coming off of it looked great in photos. And we really only singed his hair once (if you don't count that time we hair sprayed him a mohawk and the flame got a little too close)

This composed a great deal of Papa's time and I learned much in those years about the art of dressing the cat. Boy am I glad I started with felines, because when canines joined the group years later it was much easier.........

Lately I've become aware that this kind of torture is actually a common occurance among many families and has become big business in the world of the internet. My favorites being Stuff on My Cat and Stuff on My Dog.

Ahhhh, the next generation emerges!